Virtual Hokage
by Type-00
Summary: Everyone loves a good video game, but Sandaime decides to make Naruto's favorite more than just a game.  Much more.
1. Chapter 1

In case anyone who reads my other stories comes to this one, a couple of notes. My other stories are on hold (Shinji Tokisaka,) or on hold, possibly discontinued or deleted in the future, (The Tactician's Past), for various reasons. If you want to know more, e-mail me.

Having said that, enjoy.

--- --- --- --- ---

Sarutobi sighed. When he had first made hi choice, he had never thought that it would get so bad. Once again, the Sandaime Hokage was proven wrong. The once calm and orderly Hokage's Tower was gone, replaced with sheer chaos. Papers were strewn throughout, shouts echoed through the building. People were ON FIRE.

It had started innocently enough... who would have thought buying Naruto a computer game would become so catastrophic?

--- --- --- --- --- ---

The game was called Hokage, made by a retired jounin with a knack for electronics. It was a simple concept, letting children find out what it was like to be Hokage, to run an entire Hidden Village, and lead it to greatness or ruin.

Naruto had begged him for it, saying that he needed it to become Hokage, and Sarutobi obliged him.

Within a month, Naruto had come back complaining that the game was too easy. He had already beaten the game on every difficulty level, and wanted a new challenge. Having nothing to offer the aspiring nin, the Hokage came up with a simple solution.

He tied Naruto's computer into the Hokage Tower's system, and gave him low level access. Naruto was given full rights to manage D-Rank missions. The worst case scenario? Sarutobi would have to do a little extra work, correcting Naruto's mistakes before he allowed the mission to be taken care of.

What actually happened was far from the worst case scenario.

Naruto reduced the pat rate of many D-Rank missions by 25, but instigated a 10 increase per mission completed daily. This, combined with a communal pool of missions, resulted in a more streamlined and efficient method of low level mission management. Most genin teams had doubled the number of D Rank missions they took, compacting as many as they could into a single day. Most of the paperwork of D Rank missions was relegated to the client and jounin sensei of the genin teams, cutting Sarutobi out of the loop, and giving him some time to actually relax.

When Naruto said that he was getting bored again, Sarutobi just raised his administration level, letting him manage C Rank missions as well. Sarutobi had doubted that Naruto would progress beyond this level, but was once again proven wrong.

Naruto made no radical changes to the existing C Rank policies. However, he made in mandatory for another nin, or at least special jounin rank to accompany genin teams on their first C Rank missions, the only exceptions being when their sensei had sufficient qualifications to handle at least A rank missions solo.

Over the course of six months, the genin casualty rate on C Rank missions dropped 31.

Once again, the Hokage raised Naruto's administration rank, and the cycle repeated itself. Within five years, before Naruto had turned eleven, he was running Konoha, and had no idea that he was doing it. He was so ridiculously addicted to the game that he did almost all of the work needed, meaning that most of the administrative office was effectively paid for nothing, and the Hokage could actually take a vacation, a feat that had been unreachable by and Kage in any village.

The only drawback was that Naruto put so much effort into the game, his schoolwork suffered, and he failed the genin exams twice.

Another year passed and Naruto finally managed to reach genin rank, and found himself on a team with Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno, with Kakashi as their sensei. It wasn't until they took a C Rank mission to Wave country that Sarutobi learned to what degree they had grown to depend on Naruto's efforts.

It took only 20 hours for the system to break down, and the ninja who had been sitting around doing nothing actually had to do their job. They had grown so used to simply signing the occasional paper, that their efforts did more harm than good, some even set off a few of Naruto's new security measures, resulting in several conflagrations that had ignited several unfortunate bystanders. It was only now beginning to settle down, thanks to the Sandaime's efforts to restore order.

It was at that moment, when order was so close to being restored, that Sarutobi received a message from Kakashi. Their mission was at least B Rank, perhaps even A Rank.

Nothing destroys order faster than seeing your leader break down in tears.

--- --- --- --- -- --- --- --- ---

Hours later, Sarutobi had finally regained control of himself, and had sent for one of the available ninja to go and support Team Seven.

"Yo! What do you want old man?!"

"Team Seven's C Rank mission has been elevated to B, or even A Rank status. While I have the utmost confidence in Kakashi's ability to accomplish the mission, the high rank means that his genin are far more likely to be killed. While such things are expected, one of the genin is vital to Konoha's continued existance."

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. Protect the Uchiha brat."

"Sasuke isn't the one I want you to protect."

"You want me to guard that pinked haired fangirl?! You can't be serious!"

"Your mission is to ensure that Naruto Uzumaki survives."

"You want me to protect THAT brat?!? With that thing inside of him, I doubt anything is going to hurt him!"

Sarutobi sighed at Anko's irreverent attitude, "Anko, what I am about to tell you is the most closely guarded secret in Konoha. Before this moment, I was the only one who knew it, but due to...circumstances... revealing this secret to you has become inevitable. What you are about to hear can never be repeated, do you understand?"

Anko's lazy expression vanished, replaced with the face of a soldier. "Hai, Hokage-sama!"

Within seconds explaining the situation, Anko could barely stand, she was laughing so hard.

"Y-you're telling me that a kid has been running Konoha?!!?"

"Effectively, yes."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OH GOD!!! THAT'S JUST TOO RICH!!! I- I think I'm going to die laughing!!!" Anko gave up on standing, changing her focus to breathing. Sarutobi watched impassively as the kunoichi before him regained her composure, though her mouth continued to twitch.

"It was thanks to Naruto's efforts that you were able to receive back up on that mission a year ago."

All traces of amusement vanished from her face the instant he uttered that sentence. Sarutobi locked eyes with Anko, "I trust that you will guard him with your life?"

Anko didn't reply, simply vanishing rather than wasting time talking.

--- --- --- ---

If you're reading this, i can only assume you read the story. Hope you liked it.

The next chapter or two will be up in the next few hours, I just need to upload them. They were already written, so don't expect an update every day, or every week.

Thanks go to The Fanfiction Forum for reading this over. I couldn't have done it without you guys.


	2. Chapter 2

If you're still reading, you either liked it, have nothing better to do, or you're an idiot. Take your pick. Enjoy.

--- --- --- ---

"So Anko, what brings you here?" Kakashi smiled.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I'm here to ensure that a certain genin doesn't get squashed because you were too cocky." Anko snapped.

"Oh really? I didn't realize that Sandaime was so worried about Sasuke!"

"Sure Kakashi, now where are those little runts?"

"Well, Sakura's helping Tsunami make dinner, but Sasuke and Naruto are training in the forest."

"Alone?! When was the last time you went on a mission Kakashi? I wouldn't be surprised to find out that the enemy's found them!"

Almost immediately, Sasuke walked through the door.

"See Anko-chan? He's perfectly fine!"

"Note that he came back alone Kakashi, you have three genins, not two. And don't call me Anko-chan!" Anko responded, hurling a kunai between his legs, causing the Copy Nin to visibly pale.

"...Ok Anko... Hey Sasuke, where's Naruto?"

Sasuke snorted, "The dobe's still out in the forest training. Like it'll make a difference."

"Well, since the all important Uchiha's back with his legendary sensei, I guess I should go check on the brat." Anko sneered, walking out the door.

Sasuke stared, "Who the hell was that?"

"That's Anko Mitarashi. She's been sent here as backup for the mission."

"Hn, what's her problem?"

Kakashi smiled, "You really don't know anything about women, do you Sasuke?"

--- --- --- ---

It was a testament to Naruto's massive chakra, as well as his horrendous control, that Anko could find him so easily. Judging from the Uchiha's appearance, the orange clad genin should be on the verge of passing out, but he was still running up the tree like he he had just started.

"Hey brat! You're never going to make progress that way, why don't you quit and try again tomorrow?"

Naruto glared at the new arrival, "Shut up you old hag! I'm going to keep going all night if that's what it takes, because I'm going to be Hokage!"

Anko tried to restrain herself, she really did, but the sheer irony in his declaration made her double over with laughter. It didn't matter how many times she heard or thought it. A twelve year old running Konoha was hilarious.

Naruto, being out of the loop, assumed she was mocking him.

"I'll show you!" He roared, charging at the vulnerable looking woman. Much like his genin exam, it took all of two seconds for Anko to subdue to overeager ninja.

"Brat, while you may not be the most skilled ninja I've met, you sure to have spirit."

"It's guys like you that die first." she whispered into his ear, licking his cheek in a disturbingly sensual manner. "I wonder how sweet your blood is..."

"H-hey! Get off me!" Naruto protested, struggling to escape her death grip

"No way brat, this is to much fun!" Anko teased. She released him for a second, letting him have an instant of hope, before pouncing on him again. It had been a long time since she had someone this fun to play with, and she sure as hell wasn't letting him get away!

---- -----

"Kakashi sensei, who was that woman?" Sakura asked as she helped serve dinner.

"That's Anko Mitarashi. She's a special jounin the Hokage sent to help us on this mission."

"Feh, I can handle it myself."

"Don't be so cocky Sasuke. Zabuza's an A rank missing nin, and a former member of Mist's Seven Swords. We could use all the help we can get."

Sasuke snarled, and Kakashi backpedaled to ease the prodigy's ego.

"I know that you'd be fine, but remember, Tazuna , Naruto, and Sakura aren't as skilled as you are, and I can't watch all three of them."

Sasuke nodded in agreement, while Sakura looked down, causing Kakashi to sigh internally.

"Sakura, I'm sure you'll do fine, and Sasuke will be there to save you if it's tougher than we expect."

Her depressed expression was replaced with starry eyes, as Sakura dreamed of her knight in shining armor saving her from the evil Mist Demon.

Kakashi relaxed, keeping everyone happy was more difficult than he had expected. He was just lucky that his genin were so readable, or it would have been much harder to diffuse to situation. If Anko or Naruto had been there... well, it wouldn't have been pretty...

"I wonder what Anko's doing with Naruto right now... "

--- --- ----

"God, I can't believe Kakashi didn't teach you the other methods for chakra control!"

"What do you mean?" Naruto asked.

"There are other methods that are safer and more effective than tree climbing. Here." Anko's hands flashed through several handsigns, and a small hill of earth rose from the ground.

"While the tree climbing does help you regulate chakra, you continuously start and stop, and you have to recalibrate your chakra each time. However, by standing on a steep slope, you can maintain your balance even without the chakra. This allows you to focus on getting your chakra to the right level and keeping it there."

"Okay..."

"If you do well enough, I'll make it even harder!"

"What?!"

"Harder training means more results, which means you'll be closer to being Hokage, Naru-chan."

Naruto's eyes lit up, "Fine! Bring it on Anko-sensei! I'm not going to lose to you!"

As Naruto resumed training, Anko smirked. Kids were so easy to manipulate.

---- ----

Though neither would admit it, Anko and Naruto were scarily similar. They were both loud and obnoxious, neither took crap from anyone, and they both loved brawling.

The instant Naruto mastered the chakra exercise, he started bragging that he could probably kick her ass.

Needless to say, Anko took offense.

She expressed her irritation in the attempted maiming of the blonde genin.

Needless to say, it escalated into a full blown battle from there.

"You crazy bitch! Stop that!"

"Shut up and hold still! How can I skewer you when you keep dodging?!"

"Like I'm going to let you win!"

"Oh yeah?!? A genin like you has no chance against me! You can't even do a bunshin from what I hear!"

Naruto snarled, "Fine, I can't do a Bunshin, but I've got something MUCH better!"

"And what's that you stupid brat?"

"KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!!!"

Anko stared as one helpless blond became a hundred. Shaking off her shock, Anko could only think of one thing to say.

"...Target Practice..."

With a maniacal cackle, Anko whipped out a devastating array of kunai, shiriken, senbon needles, and dango sticks.

The previously confident army paled.

"RUN!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" Anko's laughter only grew louder as she chased after her helpless and terrified targets.

"Get back here you cowards!!!"

--- ---- ---

It took forever to hunt down each and every clone, but Anko loved every single second. It took them forever to realize running away only made it easier to kill them, and it seemed the remaining clones had decided to make a last stand.

"GET HER!!!" With a roar, the Narutos charged at Anko, who smiled invitingly.

If he wanted to die, she should oblige him, right?

Anko ripped through the clones, but they didn't go down without a fight. For every three she killed, one managed to land a blow, and the dozen or so hits were starting to add up. Giving up on indiscriminate slaughter (much as it pained her,) Anko started to scan the clones, looking for any hint to discover which was the original.

Spotting one that seemed a bit more attentive than the rest, Anko ignored the rest, intent on striking him before he vanished back into the swarm. Ignoring the hits they landed, Anko pivoted, allowing her leg to swing at her victim.

It hit, right in the crotch.

Instantly, the dozen or so remaining clones vanished, as the lone genin lay on the ground, clutching his most prized organ.

"Well, seeing as you're still here after a kick like that, I guess you're the real deal... You should do a better job hiding in your clones brat." Anko taunted the suffering Naruto. She started to laugh, but something caught her eye.

He was smiling. Across his face was a sadistic, shit eating grin.

Before Anko could process what that meant, he made a hand sign, and she was swarmed by another legion of orange. She was shocked enough that she couldn't manage a decent defense, and after a few moments of struggling, was pinned, a Naruto grappling each limb, and one smugly straddling her stomach.

"What do you think about that, huh Anko-chan?" He taunted, causing the jounin to growl.

She snarled, and for a moment, it looked like she would break free, but the clones held firm, and soon, Anko ceased struggling. She sighed, and Naruto leaned in to hear what she was saying.

"I guess you win... who would have thought that a punk like you could take down the amazing and beautiful Anko Mitarashi?" Anko murmured.

"Well, you've got me pinned and at your mercy... You wouldn't be thinking anything... naughty now, would you Naru-chan?" Anko whispered seductively, causing Naruto to blush profusely.

"Wh-What?!"

"To the victor go the spoils, and you certainly won, so I guess it's time to claim your prize." She watched as Naruto's blush intensified, as his eyes slowly assessed the strong, sexy, and very vulnerable looking kunoichi underneath him.

That was all she needed.

Her seductive smiled transformed into a sadistic smirk, as she bashed her head into his. As Naruto staggered back clutching his head, she slammed the two clones pinning her arms into each other, causing them to vanish in a poof of smoke. Before any of the other clones could react, Anko whipped out dozens of kunai, and within seconds, Naruto's mighty army had been massacred.

Anko charged the remaining Naruto, who attempted a valiant defense, which failed miserably. Within seconds, Naruto's arms and legs were pinned to a tree by kunai, Anko holding one more against his throat.

"Come on, did you really think I would let you have your way with me?"

"Bitch! You tricked me!" Naruto whined.

"You're supposed to look underneath the underneath moron. Didn't you learn anything?"

"Hmmph."

"Well... I suppose it's not bad for a genin, considering I could have killed you over a dozen times in the first five minutes."

"If you could have done that, then how come you didn't just end it then?"

"Silly Naru-chan, what's the fun in killing you when you can be so entertaining?"

"So the whole time you were just playing around?"

"Come on, you still get something out of our match." She teased.

"And what's that?" Naruto asked warily.

"This." And with an evil grin, Anko moved in and gave Naruto a deep, sensual kiss.

"I guess I'll see you back at Tazuna's" Anko commented, cackling uncontrollably as she left.

Naruto sat there for several long minutes, stunned at what Anko had just done. Finally, his brain rebooted, and his shell shocked expression was replaced with a grin that would look better on the departed kunoichi. He struggled to his feet, and staggered in the general direction of the house.

'Life is good.'

Not even the note detailing what would happen if he mentioned the kiss to anyone could ruin his mood.

---- ---- ----

By the time Naruto got back, it was already dark, though the grin on his face was still there.

"Well Naruto, you look pretty happy. I guess training went well?"

"Yeah! I ready to go and kick Zabuza's ass!"

"Well, we've got time until it comes to that. It'll take him another few days to recover, so keep practicing the tree climbing, alright? It's only a matter of time until you catch up to Sasuke!"

Naruto's grin faded a bit, "Uh... sure Kakashi-sensei..."

"What's wrong Naruto? Having trouble with it?"

"Eh... something like that..."

"Well, I'm sure you'll get it soon enough."

"Yeah..."

Kakashi smiled at his student, oblivious to how much his low opinion hurt him.

--- --- ---

The next few days seemed to blur together. Sakura continued to guard Tazuna, Sasuke continued to practice tree climbing, and Naruto...

Naruto went to another part of the forest, and fought his clones until he passed out.

Anko shadowed him the whole time, and it was disturbing to see how hard he pushed himself, sometimes skipping meals to push himself harder.

All because Kakashi said the wrong thing.

Kakashi may be a genius ninja, but his head was too far up his ass (or in his Icha Icha,) to realize how bad his social skills were.

Anko sighed as Naruto passed out again. He stayed out every night training, and while his work ethic was impressive, him sleeping in the forest meant SHE had to sleep out there too. With another petulant sigh, Anko tried to get comfortable in the trees, doing her best to block out the thoughts of Tsunami's warm soft beds less than a mile away.

She failed miserably.

--- --- ---

The instant Haku came near Naruto, Anko was wide awake, kunai in hand. Despite her appearance, the girl radiated chakra that no civilian could hope to have. Still, she hadn't made any hostile moves, so she'd just keep an eye on her.

Anko grinned, watching the children chat. Naruto's obvious interest in her was cute, and hilarious too, once she told him she was a boy.

As she began to leave, Anko thought this would be a good time to drop in.

"Hey."

It was entertaining to see how fast the girl changed from innocent civilian to collected warrior. Kunai met senbon needle as the two females faced off.

"I knew someone like you couldn't be an innocent little civilian. You have way too much chakra for that."

"I thought that I felt something watching us."

"I have to say, I love the way you told Naru-chan you were a boy. His expression was priceless."

Haku smiled softly, "I'm glad it amused you, kunoichi-san, but I need to go."

"Back to Zabuza? You might want to tell that moron to quit while he's alive... assuming I let you get away that is..."

Haku didn't respond, instead taking off at an impressive pace. Anko grinned, and thought about chasing after her, before remembering her job. She sighed, 'It would have been so much fun to hunt her down...Oh well, there's always next time.'

Still, the fact that Zabuza's henchman was so close to their area meant that he had probably recovered, and that left an unsettling feeling in her gut. Anko's amused expression faded to a serious grimace.

It looked like the final battle was fast approaching.

---- ----

Again, thanks to The Fanfiction Forum.


	3. Chapter 3

A replacement chapter three created by a friend of mine, Lionheart. A much better peice of work than I could have cooked up on my own. Only downside for this is its a two part chapter, so now you'll have to wait until he finishes it.

I added a few bits myself, mostly changing the phrasing in some sentences, though I did create one scene for this.

Still, this is 95 percent upwards his stuff, so all praise, criticisms, flames, and complaints will be passed on to him.

A Note/Request to all of my reviewers:

You're reviewing a story, not typing an Instant Message. As such, I would appreciate it if you guys would take the time to type out your responses in a legible form of english. I'm not asking for much, just that I don't get reviews like this:

!/\/\ $0 \/\/3$0/\/\3!!! this story is 2 kool 4 words i wnt more!!! rite more! plz????

Using phrases like LOL or ROTFL are fine, since they're shorthand that most people know (though I might not understand them,) but the abomination above is like stabbing myself in the eyes with a rusty needle covered in AIDS.

I take the time to write this story, spell check it, and proof read it so you can actually enjoy the story, please return the courtesy. I'm not demanding an in depth review, I'm just asking that you all take a little pride in your work.

Sorry if that offended any of you, but it needed to be said.

Now that all that junk is out of the way, here's the new Chapter Three. Hope you all enjoy it.

--- --- --- --- ---

Haku slowed her pace, working to control her breathing before she entered the mansion Gato maintained in the forest, and where her Zabuza-sama had retreated to make his recovery.

The kunoichi's breathing was quite regular by the time she entered his presence, but in spite of all of her care to lend herself a normal appearance Zabuza noticed right away. "Haku, report."

The maiden nodded and came to his bedside, busying her hands with changing the dressings on his wounds while her voice was otherwise occupied. "I came upon a boy in the forest, one of the Konoha nin who faced you, the one who became a windmill shuriken to break your water prison technique."

"The orange one." Zabuza grunted sourly, but continued on a more hopeful note, "So, he is dead?"

"Unfortunately not, Zabuza-sama," Haku felt uncomfortable over her loss of nerve at not killing the boy, but decided that need not be emphasized. She would simply be stronger the next time. "He was guarded by a new Konoha nin who was not involved in our previous battle, possibly jonin ranked."

Haku kept her head lowered, facing his wounds, avoiding the mighty swordsman scowled. His condition had begun improving to the point where he had some mobility, but wasn't up to any great big fights - and both knew it.

The Demon of Mist lay back and expelled a great lungful of air. Staring at the ceiling, he asked, "Did she bring a second team with her?"

"I do not have that information, Zabuza-sama." Haku apologized, straining the water out of a cloth as she moved to dress a new wound. "Given how easily the new kunoichi sensed me, I do not feel confident in my ability to collect that information out without risk."

Zabuza scowled under his mask, raising a hand to touch his head, judging his own fever. "We will have to rely on Gato's spies to uncover it for us. I admit there is enough of a bounty on my head for Kakashi to possibly have sent for another team specifically to take me out. That will complicate our assignment. Haku, what is your assessment of her strength in relation to yours?"

Both missing nin had accepted by now how Zabuza freely admitted that Haku was better than him and had Haku analyze his opponents for weaknesses.

"Too close to say, Zabuza-sama. It would depend on other conditions," the girl demurely replied.

Her mentor nodded, accepting this information. "Only a fool commits to a battle he is not certain he can win, and an extra jonin is no small thing to account for. I believe once I have healed that I can take Kakashi. You have identified his weakness, and I already beat him once before. But I will have no time to spare for facing another jonin, nor will you be able to face both her and whatever genin they have about. We must call in extra resources and refine our strategy."

"Gato will object," Haku said softly, pulling the knots on the new bandage tight.

"He cannot object to that which he has already agreed to," her mentor corrected. "True, he would forbid us from hiring extra reinforcements, but he cannot deny us that which we already had. Haku, you will have to go to Konoha and release the Demon Brothers. We can trust them, and they will be useful. Gato has already agreed to their presence among us. He will have no excuse to deny them when they reappear with us. Plus, there are still ninja who owe me favors. Bring me a pen and paper. I will write to one close by who may help us, even without Gato's money."

"Your recovery will be delayed by my absence," Haku stood to obey even as the young lady launched the most mild of objections.

Zabuza waved a hand, dismissing her concerns. "I will still mend. You have healed me to the point where I can take care of myself now. The rest will be delayed, that is true, but it does not matter. It is our side that decides when the next fight happens. That bridge is more than a month to completion. We can delay a few days if needed."

She lay paper and pencil and a board to write on by his side, then helped him to sit up to compose his message. The Mist Swordsman gave it three seals with his chakra and different jutsu before he signed it and gave it over to Haku, who took the table away and helped him to lie down again. "Send it by messenger bird and go. There should be no surprises."

Nodding, Haku took up her mask and departed into a closet, emerging a short time later in a disguise that should take her out of the land of Wave. She would don another for the rest of the journey to Konoha.

Zabuza smiled even as he extended his senses to cover the rest of the house. Gato was a greedy coward who would as soon betray himas pay him, he felt sure. As weak as he was, the missing nin decided not to be trusting of his shady host in the absence of an able bodyguard.

--- --- ---

Haku, for her part, got only partway down the road to the docks before she caught up to a group of Gato's swordsmen, who were also departing to spend their month's pay and bonuses for killing that fisherman.

It was impossible not to fall in with them, as they were all heading out to the same boat, which she must use if her disguise was to have any value.

But it was also impossible not to kill them when they tried to stop her from continuing on the assignment Zabuza-sama had given her.

It started simply enough, as just another rape by mercenary samurai who felt they had rights to anything female that walked. They did not recognize her as Haku, that was what the disguise was for, but nor could they be permitted to learn she was Haku, else Gato would know she had departed out of his lands without his orders and assume treachery by Zabuza.

So they had to die. She could not merely escape or evade them, as that was impossible to do without revealing her true abilities and would leave behind witnesses to a story that could be construed as her departure, and thus, treachery by Zabuza.

Nor was she about to submit to rape.

Haku hated killing, and preferred to pretend she would never do it.

That was a lie, just like her being a boy was a lie, but she did find it distasteful, and feared that one day she would kill someone who's death would haunt her forever. But that would be a pure soul, not these murdering swine, who were more monster than man.

Swiping off the slime who had dared to touch her, Haku leaped away to stand on the side of a tree, made a one handed gesture, and a ring of ice spears suddenly grew, surrounding the fallen samurai. She poured more chakra into the ring and it grew. Spears from all sides impaled the warriors, ending their lives to the sound of short, ugly screams.

She hated killing.

It was disgusting, but necessary, to release the bodies, dissolving her ice spears back into the plentiful fog that characterized Wave, then quickly and efficiently strip the bodies of valuables. The life of a missing nin was hard, almost unbearable at times, and no scrap of advantage could be discounted. She took their swords, sealing them all into a scroll, as well as their money.

Twenty mercenary samurai who had just been paid. It would be a little less lean for Zabuza and her in the coming months.

She then used a Doton jutsu to bury the bodies tracelessly. Let Gato think it was his mercenary samurai that ran out on him. It would make him a little more wary, and a little more dependent on Zabuza and herself.

---- ----

Konoha was lousy with traitors these days. You'd like to think that security would have been tighter in the strongest of the Great Five ninja villages, but it wasn't.

In the past few years their administration had become enormously efficient and streamlined, and that had led to many of the past and previous moles keeping their heads down to a much greater degree, sources drying up and so on as informants and traitors kept quiet for fear of being caught. But by the time Haku arrived that near legendary and mysterious increase in their bureaucracy had disappeared utterly, and the administrative ninja who had come to rely on it were set back to where they were even worse than before, having grown accustomed to doing nothing they were still struggling to relearn their own jobs and acquire that skill they'd had previous to the efficiency increase.

In other words, get things back to where they were running before years of laziness took their toll.

It was due to this that Haku was able to call upon one of Gato's traitors in the infrastructure, bought and paid for by the merchant long ago, but forced to go inactive of late to avoid scrutiny and discovery.

That was no longer a concern with so many ninja running around like chickens with their heads cut off. The Hokage was struggling to restore discipline, but having lost it once himself, he was facing an uphill battle to get control back.

That created an opening that Haku was not the only one to exploit.

She and Zabuza had used their ninja skills to pilfer Gato's list of emergency contacts shortly after taking up employment with him. Those lists, and codes for contact, were vital in their profession and doing the same to previous employers had helped keep them alive on the road so long. Doing it without Gato knowing meant he would not change those contact codes to thwart them and the information would stay useful longer.

She made contact with a mid level bureaucrat whose love for gambling had led him deeply into debt and corruption by the one to hold those debts, thus landing him in Gato's pockets, and shortly thereafter she had another disguise, as a card carrying official ninja of Konoha with the full paperwork, attire and forehead protector to back her.

Anything a bureaucracy controlled a bureaucracy could give away, and the bureaucrats were the mechanism by which that happened. All the safeguards that would ordinary have prevented such a thing were not working just then, and those able to do anything about it were busy with emergencies elsewhere.

Disposable identities were among the most valuable possessions a missing nin could have, but also the rarest and most difficult to obtain. The central grief of a missing nin's life was having no home, no allies, so she wasn't about to pass up an opportunity to get IDs that people weren't actively trying to kill. For that matter, she used a Henge so the paper pusher could take pictures and acquired a second and third such identity while the organization was still vulnerable, all listing herself as inconsequential genin. Then she went on to do the same for Zabuza and the Demon Brothers.

Gato's pet bureaucrat then put all but one of these identities on leave, long term assignments, or otherwise inactive - including one where herself and the Demon Brothers were a genin team, with Zabuza as their jonin sensei, all out on a semi-permanent mission to spy on Gato!

It was amazing what you could do to a vulnerable bureaucracy. And that was one story they'd have eloquent background details for.

It was as that sole active kunoichi that Haku went about the village, using the money she'd gotten from those samurai earlier to search around Konoha under the guise of shopping - and more than a bit of that actually happened.

Being missing nin meant a person often went without things, so she picked up an extensive list of supplies, clothes, comfort items (particularly camping gear) and generally outfitted her small party as best she could on the budget she was given, sealing it all into scrolls (because when you've got Hunter nins chasing after you on your tail, you must travel light and fast, so sealing scrolls and the skill to use them are a simple necessity).

While shopping, Haku had been memorizing the layout of the city, selecting shops and restaurants she could commit to memory as 'favorites' to use as bits of evidence to reinforce her identity should she ever be questioned by a Konoha nin. She walked the grounds of the Ninja Academy after hours, found the place unguarded, studied the layout, bathrooms and classrooms, along with a few offices, memorized what pictures she could find, but also all of the names for the teachers and disciplinary personnel.

It was important to have such facts at your disposal. Being able to name a 'favorite' teacher or two, or casually supply a fabricated story of discipline undergone, would do more to support her false identities if she came under scrutiny than all of the paperwork a clerk could provide.

Having finished her reconnaissance, Haku proceeded to search for the prison.

Unfortunately, Haku took too long with her explorations, and blushed lightly as her stomach growled loudly.

"Kunoichi-san! Over here!"

Haku turned and saw an older girl waving her over. Approaching cautiously, Haku was caught off guard by her smile.

"You look pretty hungry kunoichi-san, would you like some food?"

Haku attempted to refuse, but another, louder growl cut her off, and caused her blush to deepen.

The girl giggled softly, "If you're concerned about money, it's fine. I'll cover it, and you can pay me back after a few missions. Sound good?"

Haku returned her smile, "Thank you. I appreciate it. However, before I can accept you gift, i should probably know you name, right?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I completely forgot! My name is Ayame Ichiraku, and it's a pleasure to serve you!"

"Thank you Ayame-san... Now what would be a good order? I've never been here before..."

"Well, we specialize in ramen, though we do have a wide variety of other foods. How about starting of with some riceballs and fruit juice, and then have a bowl of ramen to round out the meal?"

"It sounds delicious." Haku replied honestly.

"Great! It will be ready in just a moment."

"Could you give me another two orders to go? I'm meeting my team, and I promised to get them something to eat." Haku requested, thinking quickly.

"Not a problem! I'll hold off on preparing it until your done, so it's nice and fresh!"

"Thank you."

Within minutes, Haku found herself devouring

"I'm glad that I managed to catch your attention. To be honest, business has been a little slow for awhile, and it's kind of boring."

"Oh? Is there a problem?" Haku asked between mouthfuls.

"Not really, our number one customer is just out of town."

"Really?"

"Yeah. On his first real mission. I'm a little worried though. Generally missions like his are pretty safe, but I can't help but worry something bad will happen..."

"Don't worry. That's why we're give jounin as our senseis. I'm sure your friend will be fine."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Naruto's way too stubborn to die." Ayame laughed.

Haku felt the delicious food turn to ash in her mouth.

"Well, here's your take out."

"Thank you."

"Don't forget, you owe me, so make sure to stop by again sometime!"

Haku waved uncertainly, before shaking her head and returning to her mission.

--- --- --- ---

Normally, the ANBU headquarters, which contained the prison cells, was an extremely well hidden location. It was hidden behind walls of deceptions lies, and misdirections. The fact that they traditionally did all their paperwork themselves also meant that they maintained a higher level of functionality than the rest of the village, seemingly avoiding the crisis altogether. Combined with their higher state of alert due to the chaos, it would be almost impossible for a regular ninja to find it without being detected.

However, while she was scouting the town, finding and visiting such obvious landmarks as the compounds of the famous clans, the Hokage monument and war memorials, she was also forming tiny ice mirrors through cracks and crevices in walls, and doing so had spied out the location of several things without any detection, the Demon Brothers among them. So, making sure her gear was all set and ready for travel, bags were packed with spare food and clothes for the people she was about to rescue, Haku went into a lady's restroom, locked herself in a stall, causing the water from the toilet tank (not the bowl, that's just sick) to rise up and form a mirror, which she then leapt into.

Her reflection appeared in a mirror she'd previously created above the inside of the door of the Demon Brother's cell, where the guards could not see it. Haku leaned out of her reflection, used ice to break the chains the brothers were wearing free of the wall, and they were smart enough to take their chains with them as they and leapt up to grab her arms, whereupon she dragged them into her mirror.

Having used a small spying mirror to time this, they pulled it off and were gone between passes of the guard. She even caused her ice to disperse behind, so there was no physical evidence in the cell of how they escaped.

Gato's pet bureaucrat would also slip a paper into their files saying that they had died under questioning and been properly disposed of, hopefully erasing their tracks there forever.

Returning to the bathroom, they then leap through a trail of mirrors she'd left through Konoha while on her shopping trip, dispersing each one behind her, then down a river along a series of mirrors she would raise and disperse behind them. Doing this quickly exhausted her chakra in short order, but it gave them a big head start and left behind a very hard trail to follow.

The demon boys, who had been scarfing food up to this point, took over and carried her along as they made their own best time away from Konoha, partly by running fast and partway by jutsu, surfing along waves they formed on top of the water for time, including short teleports to confuse their trail, hiding in puddles along the riverbank to avoid standard patrols, etc.

Their escape was swift and determined enough they were able to shake off all pursuit and make their way back to Wave country.

When they returned, they found Zabuza sitting up in bed being tended to by a female medic nin they all remembered, one of those who had supported him in his bid to become Mizukage.

Grim smiles were had all around.

They took a day or two while Zabuza was still regaining his strength for the demon brothers to get back into fighting form, replace their equipment (even forging their once prison chains into new weapons) and for Haku to replenish her chakra.

Then it was time.

---- ----

Morning dawned over the uncompleted bridge, as it had many times before. It was misty, as mornings by the sea often were, and the walk to work was as routine as it had come to be for Team 7.

The solemn mood was broken, of course, by Anko's brash complaints.

"Hey, Kakashi, didn't you have three students earlier?"

"Oh, I'm sure Naruto will be along shortly!" he waved off her concerns.

"...You're such an idiot, maybe I should start calling you BAKAshi instead."

"Now, now, no need for insults..."

Everyone stopped, conversation freezing and Tazuna gasping in horror as they set foot on the bridge to find lifeless bodies of the work crew strewn everywhere.

"He's right you know." As one, they turned to face the recently arrived Zabuza and his accomplice, looming out of the mist farther down the incomplete bridge. "You're going to die, so you should spend your last moments praying to God, instead of insulting your ally."

"Ah, Zabuza-san, so glad you could join us today!" Kakashi commented, smiling underneath his mask. "Do you want to have breakfast before we fight? It's the most important meal of the day after all, and I'd hate for any of us to fight on an empty stomach."

"For such a dangerous ninja, you certainly are an idiot." As if Zabuza's criticism was a signal. Mist began rolling in even more thickly, shrouding everything.

"Sakura, Sasuke, guard Tazuna," Kakashi mildly commanded as he revealed his Sharingan, acting almost casually. "Anko, you're with me."

Zabuza laughed, now just a dim shape in the mist. "Yes! Kakashi! Bring your girlfriend if you must! It will not help you. Each of us has defeated the other once, I with my water prison and you with a water dragon. But now I know the weakness of the Sharingan. It cannot help you against that which you cannot see! Our third fight will decide who is supreme between us for the final time!"

Almost immediately as the missing nin had started to speak, Anko clenched her teeth. Her hands clenched into fists and began to shake, and she blew up once he'd finished gloating. "YOU ACTUALLY THINK I WOULD DATE THIS MORONIC, PERVERTED, PORN ADDICTED LOSER?!?! DIIIEEEEE!!!!"

Kakashi stared at the enraged woman as she took off with a wild scream like a wolf howling after its prey, tearing the head off of Haku on her way to reach Zabuza, before turning his gaze to the pocket containing his favorite book and jumping off into the mist to support her.

'Am I really that bad?'

Before he could ponder the way others viewed his habits, and how they affected his social life, he closed so Zabuza loomed out of the mist.

'WAIT!!' his Sharingan eye went wide. 'A clone!!'

The section of bridge Zabuza and Haku's clones had stood on exploded, its underside covered with explosive tags timed to go off at precisely that moment, catching both Konoha jonin in the blast and dumping them down onto the surface of the water below.

As they fell, Kakashi felt himself get hit by several senbon from behind, as the real Haku had waited in ambush for precisely that moment, clinging like a spider to the underside of a safe section of the bridge to hit him as they fell, counting on the disorientation and damage the two jonin had received from the explosion, as well as using the shrapnel and chunks of rubble from the demolished concrete bridge section, to disguise her small needles until they'd struck home in their targets.

A near perfect ambush tactic.

'Two nerve clusters and... a poison,' Kakashi concluded, even as he dismissed the damage from both as inconsequential. It would slow him down, but not by too much, and the poison was not a strong one. He twisted to remove the needles and counterattack the girl. But Haku was already gone and as he landed on the water, still completely shrouded in mist, the real Zabuza was upon him, nearly catching the Copy Nin in a second Water Prison.

Kakashi decided this fight deserved all of the attention he could give it. Just then a scream came from Sakura.

'Clever,' the infamous Copy Nin decided. 'They drew us down to the water, where as Mist nins they hope to have an advantage. But they also used this ambush as a decoy to draw us away from the real target: the bridge builder.'

"Anko! I've got Zabuza. You go back to cover Sasuke and Tazuna!"

The former apprentice of Orochimaru looked up from where she just finished off a water clone of Zabuza's, holding a hand to her neck where a poisoned senbon had bitten her during her fall from the bridge. She scowled at the legendary Copy Nin, but did a quick handseal and disappeared in a swirl of leaves to reappear on top of the bridge.

Haku had known she'd have only seconds to assault the two genin before one of the jonin senseis pulled out of the fight with Zabuza-sama to come and confront her. So she had not held back.

As they'd expected, once the jonin were drawn off and she moved to attack the bridge builder, the strongest of the genin had moved to oppose her. That one instantly became her target. There could be no playing around, no toying with her prey. She'd slicked the ground underneath the two genin with ice and was raining down poisoned needles before either even realized they were under attack.

The pink haired one took three in non-vital locations, tried to take a step then slipped and fell on the unexpected ice. The dark haired boy with the attitude problem (and resenting your own teammates was a BIG problem in the eyes of a missing nin, who had to rely on whatever support they got) also took a fall, but used a flashy and chakra-expensive fireball technique to clear the ground around him so he could stand up to meet her attack.

That only meant that he got treated to a ring of ice spears exploding from the uncleared areas around him, lunging inward as a sharpened forest of deadly crystals.

When the young man performed a completely predictable and expected jump out of the way of those lethal crystals, Haku caught him in the air, dropping him like a stone with a surprise lightning jutsu.

"SASUKE!!" Sakura screamed, suddenly horrified more by the boy's state than her own inconsequential injuries.

Then Haku could do no more as Anko was upon her. A few exploding forests of ice shards later (a refinement of the wild, uncontrolled technique Haku had used to save her life when her father had tried to kill her) and the female jonin was relentlessly driving Haku away from the two injured genin, forcing her to stay on the defensive and away from the vulnerable bridge builder.

Perfect.

All according to plan.

Once Haku had allowed the jonin to push her a sufficient distance away from the charges they were guarding, the missing nin formed her hemisphere of ice mirrors around her, trapping the jonin inside and going from a defensive stance to one of attack.

Anko was trapped. She had to focus on defeating Haku to survive.

Down on the water Zabuza and Kakashi were slaughtering each other's clones as they played a deadly game of hide and seek in the mists below on the water, so far replaying one of the earlier fights between them as they each trapped and slaughtered copies of the other trying to ambush the real one, each seeking for the slightest hint of the other's location to launch a deadly attack.

That meant that both Kakashi and Anko were fully engaged and not able to divert without giving openings to their opponents in already close fights. That was the signal for the Demon Brothers to rise from their disguised states as two more fallen workers among those many bodies and launch a surprise attack on the true target of this little war: the bridge builder.

It was a foolproof plan, executed flawlessly.

But you know what they say about foolproof plans. No sooner do you get something foolproof than somebody provides a better fool.

It came as a flash. The two Demon Brothers disappeared from where they had been hiding as yet more corpses among the bodies and leapt instantly to the attack, chains flying, when all of a sudden Naruto was in their path.

The orange garbed shinobi took their attack on himself, and while he was bleeding, grimaced stubbornly at his attackers. "You know, you guys scared me pretty bad before. But now..." his shoulders shook as if in laughter as he reared back and started throwing punches. "I AM SO GOING TO KICK YOUR ASSES!!"

"NARUTO!!!!" Anko shouted, hearing the unmistakable battle cry of the orange clad nin and feeling a freezing chill hit her body that had nothing to do with the ice techniques of the girl who presently fought her. Seeing a flash of him getting torn up by chains out of the corner of her eye and in between the mirrors filled the lady jonin with an almost frightening resolve of her own.

With a blast, Anko blew THROUGH the bridge under her feet, falling right out of the center of Haku's trap down to the surface of the water. As she did so Anko heard again the unmistakable cry of "KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!!" and the surface of the bridge above her was suddenly filled with orange.

Haku, for her part, had a choice. There wasn't much she could've done to stop the jonin from escaping her trap when she'd blown out the bridge from beneath her. It was as that happened that she was faced with a decision: it was either follow her down to the water's surface to continue the fight or allow the Konoha nin to circle around and throw her weight into one of the many other battles, probably deciding it in her favor. She couldn't really allow that, so Haku decided to follow her down and fight on the water, where Anko was already frantically moving around to try to escape back to the surface of the bridge and avoid letting Haku reform her trap of mirrors.

Also, sending one sudden lunge of snakes out of her sleeves Anko came close to tearing Haku's face off. A near miss did leave a gouge mark in her mask.

That was when the ice nin decided to change tactics and prove that her bloodline had more powers than simply forming mirrors.

Water flowed up across Haku's body from the waves she stood on, forming an inch thick suit of full body armor, which her ice powers then animated, augmenting her strength and agility by flexing the icy material in tune with her own body's movements, increasing both her speed and strength dramatically.

It would also blunt the fangs of snakes nicely. Anything less than a major summon could only shatter its needle-like fangs on that armor ice.

In her hands an ice copy of Zabuza's legendary sword formed, which in the newly formed armor and Haku's bloodline, she was able to wield with equal ease. Then she started to form identical seeming clones out of ice, and Anko's senses sharpened in on her opponent, revising her threat level.

The jonin couldn't help Naruto if she was dead, and the threat of the little ice bitch had just leaped up to an unignorable degree. She had to face this first if she wanted to survive to go save Naruto.

Stupid little bastard better survive this, or she was going to kill him.

---- ----

Kakashi panted, taking a momentary breather in the interminable battle of hide and seek, long moments of searching interrupted by seconds of fierce and deadly clashes with every weapon and jutsu at their disposal. Zabuza was good, and his Sharingan eye burned as he sweated under the force of Zabuza's mocking laughter.

"Ha ha ha ha ha! Have you figured it out now?" The muscular man's voice appeared to come out of everywhere. "Haku informed me of what should have been obvious. That precious Sharingan eye of yours is a transplant. You are not an Uchiha to have it born to you naturally. But, Kakashi, while there are drugs to assist a body in not rejecting a transplant, there are also drugs to CAUSE such a rejection. Do you feel it now, Kakashi? That burning, it is your body slowly coming to reject that precious eye of yours. Your vision is growing blurry. Soon now you will go blind in that eye and lose the Sharingan forever! Can you find me before then? I carry the antidote on me, Kakashi."

Noting that his Sharingan did indeed begin to grow blurry, knowing that no genjutsu was behind this, and feeling the poison of those senbon working through his veins, Kakashi decided that he did not have many good options and moved to press the attack more fully.

He was running out of time.


	4. Chapter 4

I didn't read over/edit this as much as I would have liked, but college has a way of taking up your time. Rather than deprive you of the next chapter, I decided to post and partially edited one now, and come back and edit it later. Hopefully, I'll have some time to write this weekend, but no promises.

Once again, this chapter is written by Lionheart. All credit and thanks goes to him. I'm actually kind of embarassed... he's written more words for this story than I have...

--- --- --- ---- ---

Kakashi was no longer fighting for Tazuna, the bridge builder. Nor was this about Wave country, or the mission. His very existence as a shinobi of Konoha was now threatened by the poison running through his veins.

Oh, sure, he'd been a genius, had special talents of his own, but since he'd gotten his Sharingan eye those had all faded away into the background as he had come to rely more and more on the powers of his marvelous eye.

Heck, the hardworking, driven idealist he'd once been no longer existed. If he lost the Sharingan he might have to retire as a ninja, because otherwise he'd have to entirely reinvent his style, and that just sounded too much like work.

His lazy days of easy successes were on trial here, and he had to win or else lose those, and possibly his career as a shinobi, forever!

He would have summoned his nin dogs long before this, relying on their noses to sniff out his opponent, but this battle was done on top of water, and his summons could not perform the water walking jutsu. Oh, they could swim, but that would make them clumsy noisemakers at best, too slow to do any good and they'd probably all head to shore at a slow dog paddle anyway. He couldn't afford to waste his remaining chakra.

Maybe if the fight moved to land, but Zabuza would not permit that, as he held too much of an advantage here, out on the water. And, since he held the promise of the antidote that could save Kakashi's precious eye, Kakashi had to go where Zabuza led him in hopes of getting that from him.

So Zabuza had the luxury of staying out at sea where the advantage was his.

Kakashi was also forced to be aggressive and press the attack, else the other nin might just slip away on him and deny him any chance to cure his eye. And that, combined with the other, put far too many choices in the hands of the swordsman already, giving him far too great an advantage.

There was once a time when Kakashi had relished these kinds of fights. They had made him heady with the adrenaline rush and thrill of a dangerous battle. But he'd since become so used to lazy victories that it almost surprised him how much he dreaded this one!

For the first time in he didn't even know how long, the Copy Nin found himself afraid - afraid that he would not get to see this victory. Only then, as he realized that and subliminally called up all of his best resources, did he realize just how dangerously out of shape he had gotten.

And that realization terrified him.

---- ----

Anko had been poisoned by a senbon needle, by a fairly potent hallucinogen that Haku had hoped to take her out of the fight, as the best genjutsu were the ones created within your own mind. However, as Orochimaru's former apprentice, Anko had a resistance to all things poisonous that was downright surreal, and it did not have the effect that Haku had desired. Instead, being drugged only seemed to infuriate Anko.

Multiple rains of ice needles out of the misty sky descended on Anko, all of which she deflected using a wind jutsu. Spires of ice rose from below trying to entrap her, which she nimbly avoided, not even wasting her chakra to counter.

'Stupid bitch is wasting chakra fast. At this rate, I'll...' that thought got cut off as a huge sword made of ice neatly bisected her from shoulder to waist.

But it turned out to have been a mud clone, and as Haku landed after making the strike, she searched in vain for her true target. The Konoha kunoichi was good at hiding, at least.

A dozen senbon and dango sticks bounced off of her armor, and Haku moved to relocate through the mist, not bothering to counterattack as she was that confident the source of those was yet another clone.

It turned out she was wrong, as Anko as Anko leisurely watched as Haku blatantly ignored her opponent, seeking the imaginary real target. Anko absently wondered if this was why Orochimaru enjoyed his mind games so much, before returning to her attack.

---- ----

The fight between Naruto and the Demon Brothers involved a lot of running around, as the two attackers were perfectly willing to bypass the remaining genin to take out their target.

It was with an even mixture of brilliance and stupidity that Naruto fought his foes. Dozens if not hundreds of Tazuna henges got involved as distractions, while Konoha's number one surprising ninja had stashed the real one in among the bodies of fallen workers, turning the enemy's disguise and surprise trick back on them while they hunted his clones.

So the Demon Brothers were utterly flummoxed in finding their true target.

On the other hand, they seemed to have settled for beating the crap out of the Naruto, who was losing scores of clones every moment, it seemed.

Sakura just sat there, ignoring the fights going on all around her as she hung her head, bangs hanging down to cover her eyes as she lightly stroked the forehead of the unconscious Sasuke, whose head now lay in her lap. Luckily, the Demon Brothers seemed to be focusing all their effort on destroying Naruto, and the blond boy was taking extra risks to ensure that happy state continued, as he didn't know what he'd do if those two turned their attention to his helpless teammates.

That fight changed when one of the Demon Brothers got a good, solid hit in on the real Naruto, wrapping several lengths of chain about his waist. That should have been the end of it. Were it any ordinary nin that fight would have been over. The missing nin would have flung him around like a wrecking ball, smashed him up against any handy surfaces and probably not have stopped until the orange clad nin was dead.

Instead, Naruto let the other nin lift him high in the chain and swing him wide, but the moment he'd passed over the railing of the bridge on a wind-up to lead into a great big smash to follow...

Naruto Henged into an anchor.

Although he didn't know it, Naruto Henged like nobody else. What he thought was a Henge was in fact something different, more akin to the shapeshifting of a trickster fox than a simple ninja disguise.

He didn't know the difference. No one had ever taught it to him, but when he changed form he took on the qualities of whatever he changed into.

Suddenly pulled off balance, off his feet, and out of alignment, by the utterly unexpected weight on the end of his chain, the demon brother flew off the bridge himself, hauled down by his own chain through a gap in the now broken railing (a gap which was not big enough, originally, for the Demon Brother to pass. No, he tore it wider with his own body, paying for his passage with large rents torn in his flesh), to meet about thirty Naruto copies just waiting for him down below, all jumping up to pummel the helpless nin as he fell.

Naruto jumped back up onto the bridge a moment later, grinning wildly at the sole remaining brother, who suddenly realized he was now alone among an army of clones, and the paired tactics that had been working so effectively before were of no use without a partner.

---- ----

Anko had not been this serious about a fight in years, yet the outcome of this one MATTERED to her! So she was pulling out all of the stops and fighting at a level above that which Haku had expected.

An ice clone of a person wearing head to toe ice armor was easy to pull off, disguised well, being very hard to tell from the original. If nothing else they were so durable Anko didn't often know if she'd hit one or the ice bitch. They even cooled the real Haku's body temperature, making them seem all the more realistic. Anko smirked as the clones began to act sluggishly. While the icy armor hid Haku among her clones by cooling her body, the icy temperatures couldn't be ignored, and they were beginning to affect her speed and judgment.

Haku's mirrors had been very strong, but it came as an unexpected and unwelcome surprise to find that her clones were too. They only fought as well as any other Water Clone, or a tenth of the original's power, but the fact that she could abuse them and they wouldn't vanish only helped the girl disguise herself among them more effectively.

The fact that they all wielded massive swords that could easily slice her in two with a hit meant that in spite of those clones having slower thoughts and reflexes than the girl herself, Anko still could not ignore them.

The two kunoichi were exhausting each other with the pace of their fight.

And Anko got even angrier as she suspected that her opponent wasn't really trying to kill her. What did it take to get that chick to take her seriously?!?

Haku sliced apart another clone, but this time instead of dissolving into mud it exploded outward in a hail of snakes, wrapping around her and pinning her arms to her sides, with her legs too tightly bound to move.

The ice wielding kunoichi instantly formed ice blades across the surface of her armor to cut through the bands of constrictor snakes she had been wrapped in and break free.

However, that delay as she fought to do that was enough to finish her.

Anko might have gloated about having created a Snake Bunshin all on her own after witnessing an Aburame do the same using those bugs of theirs, but she didn't have time, nor did she care to waste her breath. This chick was her enemy, and she was going down.

Not soon, not later, now.

She might not have the Chidori, and the Rasengan was simply a legend as far she was concerned, having died out with the Fourth Hokage as far as she knew. Still, those were just the most infamous assassination attacks.

Charging her fist up with poison, elongating her fingernails into claws, Anko appeared out of the mists just as Haku was slicing her arms free of the last of the jonin's snakes. Slamming her charged fist into the girl's chest, Anko grimaced in triumph as she felt the ice shatter under her blow and hear the cry of pain as the maiden took the impact to her breastbone.

Anko's triumphant expression turned scowl as the ice of her victim's armor suddenly sprang forth and raced up the jonin's arm, spreading out over her own body in less than a second, stopping just short of freezing over her head as Haku's eyes at last glazed over and the servant of Zabuza released a soft gasp of air before tumbling aside to lay motionless in the water, kept afloat only by the buoyancy of her ice armor, with the Konoha jonin sealed to her unconscious body by another layer of ice, frozen with her arm still linked to the girl's shattered breastplate, their two linked bodies simply bobbing in the motion of the tide, a kind of feral trophy, a testament to the gruesome nature of the fighting made all the more terribly by Anko's feeble and utterly hopeless attempts to free herself from her covering.

"Great job, Haku." Zabuza's voice echoed throughout the pervasive mist. "I sure picked up something useful. She volunteered to stay by me, to be my tool. Taking out your partner she has given me all the chance I need to finish you off alone."

Kakashi remained silent, yet Anko struggled fruitlessly to speak. Breathing was a challenge for her, trapped in the death grip of the ice.

One of Zabuza's clones appeared to loom over the helpless jonin. "The Ice Coffin technique, Her most deadly weapon. She's rarely used it before, she is too kind. If an opponent merely touches her ice she can cause it to spread over them, immobilizing every part of their body in an armored cocoon not even my great strength can break. In the final version of the attack she can crush the bodies of whomever she has imprisoned with the implacable force of the glacier, pulverizing them instantly, leaving only a spray of blood and liquefied organs behind. Even bones would be powder. But I have not convinced her to kill her heart enough to use it in battle. She has only ever practiced the final form on bodies and on pigs. A pity. It would have been glorious to see it."

A wave came up, striking the trio and then came the sound of shattering ice. Anko sprang up from the water's frothing foam and lunged at Zabuza, who fell back, toying with her...

...until Kakashi appeared by her side. Between the two jonin they had Zabuza on the clear defensive, Kakashi even going so far as to stab a kunai through the mighty Mist Swordsman's arm, proving this to be the real one and not a copy, even as he partially crippled his opponent...

... up until Anko turned on him, stabbing a kunai into Kakashi's side. Kakashi turned to look at her, and as he did brought the Sharingan around to see that this was not Anko. She'd fought by his right side, the one without the power to see through illusions.

He'd foolishly jumped out of hiding to help as Zabuza pretended to have a fight with one of his own clones.

Through a gap in the mist behind him, it was possible to see the true Anko, still trapped in ice, hand frozen inside of Haku's chest, wash up against the shore, having been propelled there by the force of Zabuza's summoned wave - used to get them out of the way so Kakashi would believe his illusion.

The Water Clone currently Henged to look like Anko twisted the knife and Kakashi crumpled, clutching his injury

Zabuza walked out of the mist, chuckling. "And so, the might Copy Ninja, Kakashi of the Sharingan, falls to a simply illusion. Oh, how the mighty have perished."

He brought his sword high with one hand, then brought it down in a mighty slash, cleaving the body before him in half...

...only to freeze with Kakashi's Chidori less than half an inch from his face.

"You used a similar tactic the last time we fought, and Anko would have been swearing up a storm. I expected someone with your reputation to have seen through it, but I guess that was asking a bit too much." Kakashi panted, one of his arms around Zabuza's throat, the other holding a charged Chidori less than a heartbeat away from impact with his enemy's face. "And now, the antidote, if you please," he demanded with false politeness.

Zabuza chuckled deep in his throat. "Ha ha ha! I don't know what you are talking about."

Kakashi scowled. His eye burned, now swollen and watering, unable to see clearly for all of the tears and mucus that was building up within the socket. "You said that you carried the antidote!!" Kakashi screamed in the other nin's face.

Zabuza answered him with a wide, toothy grin, "I lied."

Rage cluded his mind, and Kakashi slammed the Chidori into Zabuza's chest...

...only to learn that his opponent had somehow switched with another of those water clones of his, and that there are penalties for sinking a hand covered with a lightning jutsu up to the wrist in a clone composed of salt water, as salt water conducts electricity.

Kakashi fried, electrocuted by his own technique turned back against him. It wasn't nearly as bad as taking it full on, but it was still worse than he could take in his weakened state.

The famous Copy Nin went down, and it was not an act this time.

The Mist Swordsman's laughter boomed out loud and long across the waves.

---- ----

The shrouding mists dispersed, and Zabuza came to the top of the bridge and threw Kakashi's crumpled body down, rolling it several yards across the concrete surface nearer to the remaining Konoha nin.

Sakura screamed out "SENSEI!!" and ran to the fallen form of her teacher, rolling him over to put his head in her lap, whereupon she urgently began to shake him and ask him to wake up. But he was completely unresponsive.

Naruto immediately rushed forward and put his back to her, facing off solo against the swordsman who had destroyed his team.

Zabuza raised his eyes and saw, behind the orange clad nin, the last of the Demon Brothers knocked out and tied to a light pole by his own chains.

"Impressive kid. But you're half dead already, and I've already got my fill of conquests today. You can live, if you'll stand aside. All I want now is the bridge builder."

Naruto smirked, as the terrified Tazuna lurking behind him was just another Henged clone. But, as he was about to open his mouth to reply, a new voice cut across the battlefield.

"I think I can take care of that on my own, now."

The mist cleared out more fully and a small army of mercenary samurai appeared out of the shrouds, at the sea end of the bridge.

Zabuza rounded on the small, old man who stood at their head. "Gato! What are you doing here? And what's with all of these men?"

"Hehehe, the plan has changed." The treacherous old merchant chuckled. "Well, actually, I planned to do this all along. Zabuza, I'm going to have you killed here. I never planned on paying you any money."

Naruto's jaw dropped, and the missing nin stiffened, while the mad merchant went on gloating.

"Hiring a normal ninja from a hidden village is expensive, and they have their own interests that might not coincide with mine, leading to the possibility of betrayals. So I get you missing nins who are easy to take care of afterwards. I get you ninja to battle each other until you are exhausted, and once you are weakened my mercenary samurai can kill you off with numbers, and in the end hiring ninja doesn't cost me a thing. A good plan, don't you think?"

The Konoha genin watched the set of the swordsman's shoulders change.

"Boy, it looks like my priorities just changed."

A trio of Gato's samurai hauling on ropes pulled the ice covered bodies of Anko and Haku up over the side of the bridge. The still body of the younger of the two kunoichi provided a sharp contrast to the silently raging and fuming helpless anger of the entrapped Anko.

Gato walked over to the twin statues, using his cane to rap hard upon Haku's unresponsive skull. "It's a pity I can't keep him like this. The boy would make a fine trophy. If only I could keep him frozen like this he'd make a nice statue for my gardens, don't you think?" Gato leered, before kicking the frozen body, toppling it and the helplessly linked Anko over. "But I have no use for sentimental treasures. I prefer the more tangible sort."

Naruto glanced between the heartless merchant and the girl's silent mentor. "Say something! Stand up for Haku! Weren't you friends?! Weren't you always together? Don't you feel anything at all?"

"Shut up, kid." Zabuza growled, not turning to face him. "I used Haku the same way as I was used by Gato. That's all there was to it. In the world of the shinobi there are only those who use and those who are used. We shinobi are simply tools."

"He threw away his life for you! Doesn't that mean anything to you?" The orange clad nin simply grew more passionate in his cries. "That's too cruel." He wept, tears making sludge out of his face. "He gave up his life, his dreams, for you, and you don't have anything to say?!"

"Kid, you don't need to say any more." The missing nin groaned. "Haku was always stronger than me, in so many ways. It pained her to have to fight you. Haku fought not only for me, she fought for you too. She was too kind."

Naruto was silent, stunned at the revelation.

Sakura glanced up to see this announcement. But Naruto only occupied her attention for a few seconds before she returned it to their sensei's still body.

Zabuza sighed. "Yeah, kid. She was." Looking around his shoulder he met the blond nin's eyes. "I'm glad I got to face you guys at the end. Yeah, kid, you may be right. We shinobi are still human, and humans cannot truly become emotionless tools."

The mighty swordsman stalked forward, and Gato's mercenaries fell back before his slow advance until he knelt at her frozen body.

Zabuza smiled. "This is goodbye, Haku. Thank you for everything. I'm sorry."

The missing nin then raised a hand and brought it down on the ice, smashing Anko free of her imprisonment, whereupon she immediately rolled back, hand raised with nails still elongated and coated in now frozen poison.

Zabuza ignored her except with words, speaking as he raised his sword another time. "Take care of the orange kid for me, shinobi. He may grow up to be better than all of us."

Anko grinned, shaking frozen chunks of poison from her claws. "You don't think I'm going to let you kill these bastards all alone, do you? Don't be greedy."

Zabuza smiled at the jonin.

As the two attacked, Gato's men began dissolving into a thin, red paste.

Behind them, unnoticed by Zabuza, Haku coughed, and a bit of color began returning to her cheeks.

The army of villagers arrived not long after.

--- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Surprisingly, most of the bodies of the workers on the bridge were not dead. The reason for that was simple. It had been part of the plan for the Demon Brothers to hide among them as two more anonymous bodies, but they could not count on the sharp senses of two of Konoha's jonin to miss their breathing.

Rather than use jutsu not to breathe, and perhaps give themselves away by the chakra signature or a revealed genjutsu, Zabuza's side had elected to hide hay in a haystack - two breathing bodies among many breathing bodies, injured, incapacitated but not dead.

Picking them out of that disguise was much harder. So they could safely be assumed to pull it off, which, indeed, they had done.

The amount of living workers was even higher than that background would have called for, as Haku had been allowed to practice her difficult and dangerous false death technique on them, in case her team might need it in the future, as they'd been forced to rely on it before.

It also spared her heart to feign death rather than inflict it on those who had brought no hurt to her precious people.

Still, that is not to say that all of those workers survived. Zabuza had required some pools of blood and sprayed entrails across the scene for the effect he'd wanted to achieve, one to put those jonin in a fighting frame of mind so they could be goaded into an attack upon those clones, and thus fall into the Mist nin's little trap with the exploding notes and falling bridge.

However, it had been part of their plan from the beginning, that if things had gone according to their design, Zabuza and Haku would occupy those two Konoha jonin while the Demon Brothers would fight past the resistance of whatever genin they'd left behind to guard Tazuna, and once the bridge builder was dead the missing nins would withdraw. If those Konoha shinobi had tried to follow, it had been part of their plan, suggested by Haku, to inform their pursuers of the living yet injured state of so many of those fallen workers, and that they could yet be saved.

It was by no means a certainty that they would then call off pursuit. But the ninja of Konoha had been known a time or two to be too tender hearted, and it was a plan that cost the attackers nothing whether it failed or succeeded.

Although, there was almost a certainty that at least Kakashi would remain on their tail to press the attack in hopes of retaining the use of his spectacular eye. But for Zabuza it was all to the better if Kakashi sought a fight while some or all of his supporters got sent back to save the wounded.

Still, while it had not worked out that way, it brought great joy to the people of Wave who'd arrived for the rescue to find, after Zabuza had picked up his team and departed, that the losses among their own were few.

--- --- --- --- --- --- ---

It was party time in Wave.

Gato had been defeated, his mercenaries dispersed, and the enemy ninja departed. The injured had been carried off to be cared for, and a time for celebrations had begun.

All of the bodies had been removed, save for only a few, and as a quiet descended on the bridge, Naruto found himself alone with his team. Turning to his teammate, enough of the thrill of victory had passed that he began to worry over the fallen.

"Eh, Sakura, are... Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei..." he gulped.

The girl raised her head, radiating calm. "They are going to be fine, Naruto. These two merely need to sleep for a few days."

Instantly buoyed up, the boy poked a thumb at his chest. "Oy! Sakura-chan! Did you see how I protected you?"

"Thank you, Naruto. That was very brave." The pink haired girl smiled up at him, causing the boy's face to light up in a megawatt grin. Then, acting very unlike Sakura, she moved the ninja's head from her lap and placed it gently on the ground, standing up she walked over to the blond lad blinded by his own smile. And, with a statement of, "Such bravery deserves encouragement so you'll continue to fight your best later," she kissed him.

Naruto nearly died of joy right there, freezing up from the shock of it.

Releasing him demurely, the pink haired girl blushed and looked at the ground. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom."

As she walked off into the forest, Naruto called after her, waving, "Oy! Sakura-chan! Does this mean you'll go out with me later?"

Turning around once, the young kunoichi smiled. "Oh, Naruto-kun! You have to grow up into more of a gentleman before I'll do that!" Then she departed into the forest with a skip in her step.

Once safely under the cover of the trunks and the leaves, the kunoichi's face and clothes morphed, losing Sakura's features and pink hair as she released the Henge to reveal the female medic nin who had helped Zabuza earlier in his bid to become Mizukage.

Zabuza and his helpers met her there in the forest. The medic nin answered their unspoken question by raising a bottle, in which three eyeballs floated. "I got them all, collected each one by playing 'distressed teammate checking up on her wounded allies'."

Yes. The life of a missing nin was hard, almost unbearable at times, and no scrap of advantage could be discounted.

Especially the Sharingan.

"Did the boy's activate?" Zabuza asked of her harshly. "No use transplanting an eye if it grants us no advantage."

"It did," she nodded. "Not naturally, but stress and panic hormones are what triggers them most often. There are jutsu used to simulate those, not used often because the subject has a fifty percent chance to die of heart failure. But the boy lived through it, so all three eyes are now active Sharingan."

"Excellent," Zabuza grinned with a shark toothed smile.

"I also discovered that Haku was alive."

"What?!?"

"The jounin used poisons that forced her into a near death state, similar to what Haku used on you. Unfortunately, I was unable to recover Haku without suspicion, so I left her in their care."

Back at the bridge, Sakura groaned and rolled out from under a pile of bodies, and woke with a start. The last thing she recalled was seeing Sasuke get hit by lightning and crying out his name. Now everything was different.

Naruto only scratched at the back of his head. "Oy, Sakura-chan. How did you get under there? I thought you were going out to take a pee?"

---- ----

Two days later, when Sasuke and Kakashi come out from under the anesthetics they were surreptitiously put under, they found themselves in Tazuna's house.

Sasuke blinked awake to see Sakura bending over him. However soon her look of joy changed to one of concern. "Ano, Sasuke," Sakura asked, very shy of pressing about his wounds. "Why did your eyes turn brown?"

Moments later she ran downstairs to find their teacher standing by the door staring out to the sea. Kakashi turned around to face her. But where the red Sharingan eye had once been was a perfectly normal one whose iris was blue.

"Kakashi-sensei, what happened?"

--- --- --- --- --- --- ---

End Chapter

--- --- --- --- -- ---- ---

Omakes- Lionheart originally wrote these as part of the chapter, but I felt they didn't fit well with how I wanted to carry it out. So here they are as omakes.

--- --- ---

Omake One

--- --- --- --- ---

"Kid, those missing nins about turned you into hamburger, and you aren't training till I SAY you're training, got that?"

Naruto stuck out his lip and pouted. It had been an interminable two days.

"Here," pulling him by the arm, Anko shoved him into Gato's office. "I'm sick of you complaining about being bored. Here is kind of a companion game to Hokage. It's called 'Merchant Empire', and you'll find all of the manuals and things on the shelves and in those file drawers. The game is loaded onto the computer. It was Gato's copy. Have fun."

And with that, she turned and left.

---- ----

Omake Two

--- --- ---

"Ey, dere brudda! Weesa jus kummin bak from a biiig long assignment an we be wantin our money!"

Iruka looked up from the papers he had been working with at the mission desk. The haggard Konoha chuunin gazed up into the face of a tall, muscular blond guy with long, wavy hair, blue eyes and a mustache who was wearing one of the loudest Hawaiian shirts he had ever seen open front over a tee shirt, a set of sandals and Bermuda shorts. Beside him was a gum-smacking blonde girl, and two teenage boys with red hair and freckles, his genin team, obviously, as the big man pounded their backs joyously, saying in a rich, deep voice, "Say hello to da man wit our paychecks, my little keikeis!"

"WhatEVER, Dad." The newly blonde Haku rolled her eyes in a perfect imitation of a rebellious teenage girl as she smacked her gum. "Can't we just get this over with? I'm overdue for a facial and manicure. It's been, like, forEVER!"

Iruka noted the young girl, wearing a bright blue leotard under a flower print skirt, with legwarmers and wristbands on, looked rather cute. Almost Naruto's age, too.

Noting his scrutiny, the girl bent over to peer at the chuunin over the tops of her glasses. "Hey! I remember you! You're that Academy teacher guy. Iruka, right? Let me tell you, you gave a GREAT lesson on infiltration! Saved my life more than a few times."

Puffing up with pride and satisfaction that at least one of his former pupils remembered him fondly and found his lessons valuable, the chuunin smiled.

The two redheads, dressed in identical polo shirts and slacks, both nodded in syncro. "What she," one started. "Said," the other finished.

"Cut it out, you guys. You're creeping me out." The undercover Haku addressed the former Demon Brothers as she smacked her gum loudly.

They weren't the Demon Brothers. After all, the Demon Brothers were dead, right? The reports had been filed that said so. No, these were an entirely different set of people, just another genin team of Konoha returning from a long term mission, that's all.

And, if the medic nin who'd helped them out had, after going missing nin, had become a specialist at cosmetic surgery, offering permanent disguises, hair follicle treatments, and other subtle identity alterations to missing nin, well, that wasn't listed in any Konoha records, now was it?

Nor in Gato's. They'd made sure of that. After all, only an idiot would not presume that Konoha's shinobi would be all over the old man's records within minutes of his corpse cooling.

So that was why, already having identities as Konoha ninja who'd been spying on him, before they'd left, the former Zabuza and his team had inserted all of the appropriate files into that merchants records to show the other end of that story, that people matching the descriptions of the Konoha team had been there doing their jobs, just like good moles should.

Gato's pet bureaucrat just moments ago finished filing the teams reports over the years into the official mission archives. It wasn't their fault if no one had ever bothered to look over them before, now was it?

And that mole in Konoha's bureaucracy, along with several other of Gato's key contacts, had had their information erased from Gato's records before Zabuza's team had left Wave country.

It wouldn't do for Konoha to find out about them, after all. Not while the missing nins could still find their own uses for them.

The rest of this disguise was acting, but as missing nins they had to be good at that to have survived that long ducking and dodging hunter nins. And to build images separate from their previous outlaw selves, they were operating by the principle "Different is good."

"Sorry," "Sis," one twin started and the other finished, to Haku's well-acted accompanying shudder.

"Yousa gotta forgive da little keikeis," Zabuza gave a wide smile of perfect, even teeth (that the medic nin had corrected from his previous look of filed points like shark teeth) as he idly played the ukelele. "Weesa played a family fo so long dey habbin trouble makin da switch bak."

Haku rolled her eyes, folded her arms and stomped her foot, addressing her mentor as this act required, "Oh, and like a couple of Kyuubi orphans like us object all that strongly to having someone they can call 'Dad'. Look, you guys might not have been my family before, but you are now. Deal."

Iruka suppressed his chuckling over this interplay as he finished checking out their files, accepted the final mission report form, and filled out their pay vouchers, thinking fondly all the while that this was what made Konoha great: their people.

"Saaay," Haku pivoted round to face him, smiling wide and chewing loudly as she played up the airheaded blonde role to the hilt. She asked about a team she knew from records was dead. "How are Yuka and her team doing? I bet they haven't been on any assignments as important as this one, huh?"

Iruka smiled sadly, looking up gently. That was really the problem with long term missions, as teams got out of touch and didn't hear the news. That disaster was years ago. "I'm sorry. Yuka's team was killed on a mission," he checked their papers, "not long after you left, actually."

"Oh! Bummer! Who am I going to hang out with now?" Haku drawled, looking appropriately disappointed. "What a major downer."

Handing out their rather substantial pay checks for an extended duration B rank mission, Iruka smiled as the group left, quarreling. They were not the first team he'd seen come back majorly changed by long term infiltration, nor would they be the last. Most would normalize eventually, though there were one or two exceptions. But it still helped him feel good inside to know that Konoha's people would always pull through in spite of it all.

That pleasant feeling doubled when he saw them reach a consensus, and instead of taking a rest to spend their pay after a very long assignment, head over to the dispatch desk to pick up another mission.

Yes, the people of Konoha were strong enough to pull through anything.


	5. Chapter 5

Apologies for the delay. I've been fairly busy with college, and haven't had as much time to write as I would like.

Due to the opinions of some, as well as my own issues with it, I will most likely remove/replace Chapters 3 and 4. While I liked Lionheart's rendition of it, it doesn't really fit with the rest of the story. In the meantime, I'll continue to write more of Virtual Hokage so I can see exactly what I want to change about it

Once again, sorry for the wait, and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

----- ----- ----- -----

Despite losing the Sharingan, Kakashi found himself still concealing his eye. If asked, he would be unable to say if this was due to habit, or shame. As he stood in front of the Hokage, Kakashi couldn't help but feel it was the latter.

"Kakashi."

Sandaime's voice startled him out of his reflection, and Kakashi

"Shortly after leaving Konoha, we encountered the Demon brothers, who were easily dispatched by Sasuke and myself. At this time, I re-evaluated the mission to be between a B and A rank mission. Despite the higher ranking, we continued, and encountered Zabuza, an A ranked missing nin from Mist. We engaged him, and Sasuke and Naruto managed to create a plan to defeat him. Unfortunately, he had an accomplice, Haku, who placed him in a false death state and extracted him. Roughly a week later, we fought against Zabuza, Haku, and the Demon Brothers. Before the battle could be resolved, Gato arrived and betrayed Zabuza, causing him to change targets and slaughter Gato and his guards."

"Your eye?" Kakashi flinched.

"Unfortunately, I am no longer able to use the Sharingan."

"I see... Kakashi, you and your team are suspended on medical leave for a minimum of one month."

"Hokage-sama! My team is fit for duty!" Kakashi protested.

"Be that as it may, I would prefer to exercise caution in this situation, as well as allow you adequate time to adjust to the loss of your eye. While you are suspended from missions, you are still permitted to train. I suggest you use this time wisely."

Kakashi bowed his head.

"I understand, Hokage-sama."

Kakashi departed, and a few minute later, Anko entered the Hokage's office.

"Anko, report." Those two words were enough to make Anko tense up under the Hokage's steely eyes. Unconsciously, she stood at attention, as she began to recite her mission report.

"The mission was successful. No casualties sustained on our side. We managed to eliminate Gato, ensuring that Wave is unlikely to be exploited in the near future. While Zabuza managed to survive, it is unlikely that he will remain in Wave for long."

"What of Kakashi's genin?"

"Despite the high rank of the mission, Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki performed adequately against their opponent. Sakura Haruno contributed very little to the conflict, though as she is a typical genin, she's lucky to be alive. Overall, their unlikely success could be damaging, as it could make them overconfident and they'll get into a situation thay can't handle"

"Understood. Anything else to report?"

"...Kakashi has been displaying some favoritism towards Sasuke Uchiha, though I feel this is due to the fact that he has not been informed of Naruto's importance to Konoha, and drew the conclusion that the Uchiha was the reason I was sent as reinforcements."

"I see..." Sarutobi sighed, it was to be expected that it would be assumed any extra concern for Team Seven would be for Sasuke... Though he had slightly higher hopes for Kakashi's reaction... "What is your assessment?"

"Team Seven managed to survive through a combination of luck and Kakashi's skill. Given his loss of the Sharingan, I find it unlikely that his abilities would be able to save them again. However, Kakashi is so used to his reputation, I find it unlikely that he will change his methods of handling both his team and their missions, without a major influence in the immediate future."

"And?"

"Kakashi should be removed from his position as Team Seven's Jounin-sensei, and the Team should be broken up and reassigned to existing genin teams."

"I see... as much as I would like to disagree, your argument makes sense. I'll have a third party evaluate Kakashi before making my final decision on this matter."

"Is there anything else, Hokage-sama?"

"Actually, yes." Sandaime tossed her a small folder, and she quicker skimmed over its contents.

"...is this for real?" she asked.

"After Naruto's absence, I've come to realize how vital he is to Konoha. Though attempts on his life are a thing of the past, I would still feel more comfortable if he were placed under guard, and the council would notice if the ANBU were suddenly reassigned."

"And how am I supposed to convince him?" she asked skeptically.

"Keep reading."

"...Alright, this time I KNOW you're joking."

"You have your orders Mitarashi."

She sighed, "I'm starting to wonder if this is really worth it... Maybe I should retire..."

Sarutobi smiled, "We both know you'd miss it too much."

"True, true..." Anko murmured, "I guess I'll get started..." and with a casual hand sign, Anko vanished in a swirl of leaves.

Sarutobi leaned back, allowing himself a small grin.

'Stage one should be going into effect right about now...'

--- --- --- ---

"What do you mean I've been evicted?! I've paid my rent every single month!" Naruto protested.

"It's not just you brat! The whole complex is unstable! Something about the foundation weakening... Anyways, you're just going to have to find somewhere else to stay until they fix it! "

"But-"

"You know what? Don't even bother coming back! I'll just get a less annoying punk to live here!"

"You can't do that!!!"

"Watch me!!! Here's your security deposit, and the rent you paid for the last month, now get off of my property and out of my sight!"

Naruto growled at the apartment manager, before storming off. He could retrieve his belongings later. Right now, he needed to burn off some stress.

Or get some ramen. Either one worked.

--- --- --- --

As Naruto wolfed down his fifth bowl of ramen, he became aware of another person at the stand.

"Huh?" Naruto turned, seeing a certain Special Jounin munching on dango next to him.

"Anko?"

"What?! I'm eating. Deal with it," she snapped.

"..."

"Oi! Old guy! Gimme some sake! One of the big bottles!"

"Coming right up!"

"Why are you drinking that stuff? It's gross."

"That just means you're still a little boy." she taunted, "Besides, I've got a reason to drink."

"What do you mean?"

Anko sighed, "Well, I thought that my apartment was getting a bit too packed with my stuff, so I decided to move into a bigger place. The problem is, every single place that worked was too expensive! And I told my landlord that I was moving out, and he already got a new tenant! Now I'm gonna be homeless!!!"

Naruto stared at the overly theatrical kunoichi, who seemed to settle down as he sake arrived.

"So, what's eating you brat? From the way you were tearing into that ramen, something's got to be wrong." Anko asked as she nursed her drink.

Naruto growled, "Got kicked out of my apartment. Something about the foundation or something. It would have been fine, but the stupid owner said that I couldn't come back when it was fixed!"

"So? Why don't you just find another place?"

Naruto froze, as hope welled up inside of him.

"Then again, by now, everyone else that lived there probably snatched up all the good places, but I'm sure you were smart enough to go and get a place before you came here, right?"

Naruto watch detachedly as giant cloaked monsters rose up from his mindscape, brutally beating and raping hope in way mortals could never comprehend, before tossing it in the dumpster.

Anko watched as Naruto slumped forward, planting his face in the still full bowl in front of him.

He hadn't moved for several minutes, and there weren't anymore bubbles coming up...

Maybe she should do something?

A swift blow to his gut soon got Naruto out of his ramen, though it seemed he was less than appreciative.

"Come on brat, it's not that bad, I'm sure one of your teammates will let you stay with them, or you'll find a..." Anko trailed off.

Naruto stared, "Are you alright?"

Anko's eyes lit up, "Naru-chan..."

"...what?" he asked cautiously.

"There was a really nice apartment I saw, that was just out of my price range..."

"So?"

"Well, there was an extra bedroom, so maybe..."

The dumpster began to glow. Suddenly, in an explosion of power, hope surged out of the dumpster, its hair radiating an ominous golden light. The monsters had a brief moment to comprehend how amazingly screwed the were, before hope smirked, and attacked.

--- --- ---

Both ninja were grateful that the paperwork for their new apartment was surprisingly light.

Well, Naruto was, Anko just played the part.

A few short minutes later, the duo were the proud tenants of apartment 305.

Of course, they still had an awful lot of heavy things to move...

--- --- ---

After the initial enthusiasm waned, Naruto began to question his decision to live with Anko. Mainly, because her definition of "Teamwork," left much to be desired.

"How come I'm doing all the moving?!" Naruto complained, as Anko continued to snack on her dango.

"You're doing all the moving because it's good training."

"How is that?" he asked skeptically.

"The ability to create a large number of Kage Bunshin a rare one, but you're not using it to its full potential. Instead of thinking it out, you just mob your enemy until they fall or you run out of chakra. While that might work on some people, most high level fighters are going to mop the floor with you. By using the Kage Bunshin to move all of my stuff, you learn how to co-ordinate them, meaning that you can use tactical plans with your clones instead of swarming your enemies."

"Oh." Naruto said, chastised.

"Besides, I'm lazy."

Any embarrassment on Naruto's face vanished, "Damn it! I knew you were just making me do all the work! Once I'm done with this, I'm going to kick your ass!"

Anko chuckled, "Remember what happened last time we sparred? I might not be so shy this time!"

Her chuckle grew into a cackle as the Naruto's all turned bright red and resumed moving her furniture. Naruto may have been Konoha's infamous prankster, but he was still a boy entering puberty, and Anko knew exactly how to deal with them. Anko leaned back in her chair, and she continued to worry the now barren dango stick. Maybe living with Naruto wouldn't be so bad...

--- --- ---

Thoughts?

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